I like when I take a shower and half of my shampoo, conditioner, face wash, and body soap is missing! THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE ASSHOLES

I had a dream that I took a shower in my bath tub at home in SoFla(which is sooo clean and beautiful and WHITE!!!!! -not covered in black mold) and it was probably the most glorious dream I have ever had. Then I woke up with the most bitter disappointment I have ever felt in my life.

Besides the dream where I sat on Jason Schwartzman's lap of course.

code red

WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE A SUICIDE BOMBER JUST DESTROYED THE ENTIRE FUCKING AXE FACTORY IN MY BATHROOM???????????????


Also, I'm really loving Bobby's decision to never turn off the heater. It's 75 degrees outside and keeping the HEATER on will REALLY save us a lot of money...what a great idea! He's so smart, I don't know why I don't think of these things.

This will be where I write about how much fun my roommates are!!! I have been living with Bobby and Lerner* for probably 7 months now and constantly have they reminded me of how lucky I am to be in this situation! In the past I have had to deal with:

- Bobby beating the shit out of people I know because they didn't like the movie 300
- Bobby not cleaning the bathroom AT ALL and letting the mold grow over the tub at an unprecedented rate. Oh, and there was that one time he got a tattoo and the ink and skin got encrusted on the side of the shower..that was fun to scrape off!
- Someone leaving their toothpaste and toothbrush on my shower pouff. Sorry guys, I wash my asshole and lady bits with that.
- Open cans of tuna fish sitting in the fridge for weeks at a time...oh and I can't forget about the Wendy's meal that was in there for what seemed like a month!
- Today Bobby yelled at me for turning the heater off because it was 80 degrees today. Apparently it saves us money to keep the heater on when it's that hot...WHO KNEW????

This is just the tip of the iceberg. MORE STORIES TO COME



*All names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.